Abstractions

Vov Abraxas

2010-02-02T15:04:00.000-08:00

I Heart Lykke Li!

2010-01-02T17:12:00.000-08:00

Who Is Gary Wilson?

2009-11-22T16:13:00.000-08:00

Gary Wilson is a human abstraction. He grew up in Endicott, NY and later slipped into obscurity in San Diego, CA.

gARY'S sTORY:

gARY'S mUSIC:

gARY's mYSPACE

***gARY'S aLBUM:

You Think You Really Know Me

Morphine Memories #1

2009-10-16T17:13:00.000-07:00

OK kiddies...the first in my new installment: MORPHINE MEMORIES!

Whenever you hear "Space Oddity" by David Bowie remember this....You know the part where Dave is counting down to take off? The part before he slams into the "this is ground control" part? Well, I use to have this little ritual/challenge to cook up my dope and plunge it in my arm before the countdown was over, scoring extra points if the dope hit my brain a second before "lift-off". 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1......GOODBYE EARTH, HELLO 120 mg's of VELVET ARMOR!*** I didn't always make it of course but it was sure fun trying.

Heaven: day one

2009-10-07T14:21:00.000-07:00

After putting up with a grueling third world type ride courtesy of Greyhound (They're far worse now with the "cuts") I arrived in Penticton at roughly 9:30 pm. Luckily, my accommodations were only 4 blocks away considering the 200 lb. hockey bag I was lugging. I was soon greeted by a wonderful cast of people and a wondrous house outfitted with a control room containing no less than 6 computers! The weather has been windy and a lil chilly in the mornings but by noon it's 20 above! So get this I go to the local shelter to catch a meal and....You get a fucking choice between seafood linguine or homemade chili with a turkey bacon sandwich etc. etc. and all the bread,fruit and veggies you can take for later! Gourmet shit man. Then off to the pharmacy for my meds....the pharmacist realizes i'm low on cash and offers to gimme my meds on a "karmic" system whereas I behave and be polite and get what I need essentially free! WTF?! And yes, The women are beautiful and easy going too. Heaven on earth bitches.

Jane Roberts - Only You Can Control Your Destiny!

2009-09-25T09:35:00.000-07:00

This insightful woman claimed to have been possessed by a being named Seth. Through Jane's body, Seth discusses the nature of humanity and how we can find peace and contentment in our lives...

There What?

2009-09-19T19:42:00.000-07:00

A Theremin (pronounced Theramin) is an electronic musical instrument that consists of two antenna prongs that are attached to a wooden box which holds electronic components. The antennae act as sensors that are controlled by the players hands hovering over each antenna (one on the right, one on the left), regulating the frequency and volume of the instrument. It produces an eerie, melodic sound amplified through a speaker that is often used on film soundtracks. It's pitch is similar in sound to a violin and can neatly accompany a classical composition.

The Theremin was originally invented by Russian inventor Leon Theremin in 1920 for Russian government proximity research, during which this musical anomaly peaked the interest of Vladimir Lenin, whom later sent Leon on a world tour to demonstrate this device. Leon Theremin eventually patented his invention in 1928 in the United States and production rights were granted to RCA. During the 1930s the Theremin was played to a widespread audience by Clara Rockmore. Although due to the stock market crash of 1929, the invention of other electronic instruments and a rumor involving Leon and the KGB, the Theremin soon fell into obscurity. It wasn't until Robert Moog, the godfather of the synthesizer, began building Theremins in 1950 that this instrument resurfaced on the music scene. Moog Music continues to manufacture these instruments today.

There are many musicians whom play and study the Theremin:

Pamelia Kurstin

Dr. Samuel Hoffman

Lydia Kavina

Others Include:

Natalie Naveira

Fiona Brice

Roy Harter

Yvonne Lambert

Pietra Wexstun

Meredith Anne Yayanos

What happened here?

2009-09-17T17:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, first off...anybody who thinks people shouldn't discuss and/or write about their personal pain and mishaps etc. please stop reading now. I really don't care to hear your pseudo - intelligent motivational speeches or your scorn about how weak I am. I write for me-first and foremost. I put 3 dots after most things I write as to leave it up to infinity or the mind of the beholder. SO if you happen to glean something out of it then cool, if not well...it was free and took very little time out of your otherwise happy life. Onwards...

You know what Randy would really like one day, no really?
=====================================
Four enclosed walls,
Where I can shout profanity when I'm hurt and angry without offending anyone,
A sense of stability and security when i'm down.
A door that closes when I want to shut out the world and create my own.
A friend that doesn't evoke mixed feelings.
A mind that doesn't turn on itself.

2009-09-15T13:15:00.000-07:00

Record Club: Songs Of Leonard Cohen "Master Song" from Beck Hansen on Vimeo.

Record Club: Velvet Underground & Nico "Heroin" (Alt. Version) from Beck Hansen on Vimeo.

Alan Moore

2009-09-14T22:05:00.001-07:00

Experimental Waves

2009-09-10T22:37:00.000-07:00

Victoria's Experimental Music Scene

When: SEptember 10th, 2009

Where: "Cooked" Street Village, Victoria BC

Who: Brian Stubbs + Sealion + Cleopatra And The Nile + Brutophilia + jody_franklin + Froghat

WHAT?! Freedom In Sound Festival Of Anarchy & Peridoxa

Experiment with your mind! Innovative musicians are breaking ground in Victoria BC with a high influx of razor sharp synth, vibrating ambient waves, and peaks of definition. The line-up was mesmerizing and the craftsmanship technical anarchy. These artists are obscure, so the video footage and music streaming is less than an easy search on Google, although they are well worth the dig! Here's what I found! The sound is a must hear live!

LINKS:

jODY fRANKLIN on MySpace & Jody On MP3

ViDEO:

2 Books I Recommend For Personal Healing

2009-08-30T14:38:00.000-07:00

Understanding Human Nature

Author: Alfred Adler

I picked up this book at a thrift shop a couple of years ago. Although dry as any scholarly psychology publication, Understanding Human Nature lets us in on the basic human elements of our personalities, how we relate to each other in our social communities resulting in the formation of our society and why we often try to sabotage our very existence in the process of our own evolution. Each page brings forth insight into the human psyche, enlightening the reader with an innate common sense that we often forget to use in our daily lives.

Quotes from this book:

"Owing to our isolated life none of us knows very much about human nature. In former times it was impossible for human beings to live such isolated lives as they live today."

"It is an oft-repeated truism that human beings walk past, and talk past, each other, fail to make contacts, because they approach each other like strangers, not only in society, but in the narrow circle of family."

"Human beings would doubtless get along with each other better, and would approach each other more closely, were they able to understand one another better. Under such circumstances it would be impossible for them to disappoint and deceive each other. An enormous danger to society lies in this possibility of deception."

"Our very thoughts and emotions are conceivable only when we premise their universal utility."

"Each of us values only that which is appropriate to his (her) goal."

Siddhartha

Author: Hermann Hesse

I read Demian by Hesse in 2006 yet just recently read Siddhartha this past winter. It's about a young boy, Siddhartha, who leaves his home to embark on a spiritual journey in which he finds himself at the fork of many different paths. This story spans his lifetime from a young adolescent living by his means in the woods then seeking the Buddha yet exiting with questions, to giving into his desires as a rich businessman then choosing a modest life lived as a ferryman by a river. Within this book lies great truths in the choices we make as human beings and tests the false ideals of what our society considers to be ultimate fulfillment and success. One thing I love about Hermann Hesse is his ability to tap into the human consciousness through the subtle description of his characters and their verbal interactions without losing the reader in the process.

A Video Tribute To DJ AM

2009-08-29T09:05:00.000-07:00

DJAM.com

Cain's iPod Playlist Part I

2009-08-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

Ten Kens

Album: Ten Kens

Home Base: Toronto, Ontario, CA

Members:

Dan Workman
Brett Paulin
John Sullivan
Ryan Roantree

Released on FatCat Records UK 2008

I came across this band a year ago on MySpace.com and thought I'd check their album out on iTunes just for the hell of it! At first listen this Toronto based foursome took me back in a time machine to the grungy rock of the early nineties Seattle sound, then I was hit with a little Surf Rock, yet I am unable to slide this album into a genre nor solidly describe Ten Kens' sound. Some of their rhythms are very original with an often funky circa 1994 Tarantino film Pulp Fiction beat and an all around groove you can cruise the highways to... Or just get on your bicycle and ride the streets to these musical waves!

Faust

Album: Faust IV

Home Base: Germany - although members are believed to be scattered about!

Original Members:

Werner "Zappi" Diermaier
Arnulf Meifer
Hans Joachim Irmler
Jean-Hervé Péron Rudolf Sosna
Gunter Wüsthoff

Faust was first introduced to me by my friend and musician Eric "The Red" Donaldson (Rico And The Late Night Guava Machine, Nechako, Slosho, and currently lead vocalist for Rock Truck) in 2007. Back then I just shoved these guys off as just another psychedelic '70s rock band makin' some noise, but soon realized after being reintroduced to this band via Myspace.com in early 2008 that this was German Krautrock at it's finest! With a vast array of riffs that you can really move to and some down tempo instrumentals in between, Faust will take you on a trip all the way to Germany of you like, or over to your friends back yard for a cold beer and some chill time! I listen to it while I'm cleaning haus;)

Can

Album: Tago Mago

Home Base: West Germany

*Members:

Holger Czukay
Michael Karoli
Jaki Liebezeit
Irmin Schmidt

I initially came across Can while listening to Faust as Can is also listed under the Krautrock genre, yet I avidly began listening to them through Robin Sharrock who has in his possession Can's 1971 experimental rock album Tago Mago. What I love about Can is there quirky rhythms and worldly drum beats. "Paperhouse" has to be my favourite track from this album, although all compositions on Tago Mago are equally unique! Great music to tap your toe to or pull out your bongos and have a go!

*Other Members Included: Malcolm Mooney, Damo Suzuki, Rosko Gee, Rebop Kwaku Baah... among many other collaborators.

Scott Walker

Album: Pola X Soundtrack

Home Base: Unknown

Members:

Scott Walker (Birth Name: Noel Scott Engel)

Formerly of:

The Walker Brothers

Once an emerging teen idol of the late 1950s as Scott Engel, the man now known as Scott Walker went on to play in several bands, eventually joining the 1960's Pop group The Walker Brothers as the band's smooth crooning, lady swooning lead vocalist. After a few albums and an evolving music scene, the band split and Scott's experimental talents emerged into a solo career. He possesses a deep baritone voice that will send shivers through your brain! My first audio encounter with Scott Walker was through a biographical film called "30 Century Man". I was floored as my jaw dropped into my chest! This deep, penetrating voice spoke to me through my PC speakers to the sound of the greatest percussion instruments and objects I have ever heard! What an original talent full of innovative ideas for sound manipulation. Scott is truly a musical genius! Have a listen to Pola X, a soundtrack produced by Scott Walker that includes some of his own compositions.

Other Notable Scott Walker Albums:

Tilt

The Drift

Scott 3

To be continued...

Lesser Known Bands From The Post-punk Genre

2009-08-24T21:21:00.000-07:00

The punk movement was extremely short-lived. It was burnt out in little more than a year, in fact. It has been said by Tony Wilson, infamous co-founder of Factory Records, that the greatest of the punk bands went on to make dance music. Whether this is true or not, three chords and ripped clothing soon took over from the original intent. Howard Devoto was the first visionary to realise that punk was indeed a dead end. Before 1977 was even out he left the burgeoning Buzzcocks to form Magazine, one of the most well known and critically acclaimed post-punk bands. But this is not the intent behind my short article. We all, I hope, are already aware of the Joy Divisions, Cures, Magazines and The Falls, et caetera et caetera. What I wish to pass on is a name check to some of my favourite post-punk bands that somehow eluded the fame and recognition lesser bands had heaped upon them. So here it goes:

The Sound

It is now common for Joy Division to be held up as some kind of mythical yardstick for measuring a post-punk band's worth. The other Factory bands suffered from this unfair comparison more than any others. In The Sound's case, their lead singer and driving force, Adrian Borland, also suffered for many years with depression; he threw himself under a train in April 1999. However, he left us with a fine musical legacy and some reissues that sound as crisp and striking as the day they were transcribed onto master tape. From The Lion's Mouth, their second album from 1981, is, in my ever-so-humble opinion, their magnum opus. A song-by-song rundown is not my style. Needless to say, if you have read this far into the article and haven't heard it, locate a copy, rip, burn – whatever your musical poison – and close your mind to outside distraction. This man was a genius.

Sad Lovers & Giants

We all, I hope, know of The Chameleons. No? Well I'm not here to inform you of Mark Burgess and Co. You should know of them, for they are exactly 26,000 times the band U2 could ever hope to be, with precisely 0.0067% of the fame and recognition. My route to SLAG came via The Chameleons, because despite most people saying the two are not similar, they are often compared (I'll tell you why in a moment) and I will perpetuate that comparison because it led me to the band in the first place. I'd say SLAG are even lesser known; I've heard The Chameleons in Manchester clubs (admittedly only one song, but still) but never SLAG. Why the spurious comparison? Well, this is my theory. If one assumes that Post-Punk Fan Person A asks Post-Punk Fan Person B “What is this band Sad Lovers & Giants of which you speak?”, then the only way Person B can possibly translate their immense awesomeness in such a short space of time and with so little wordage is to compare them to another truly brilliant post-punk band, because naturally Person A is aware of The Chameleons and is already a convert. Confused yet?

Sad Lovers & Giants have been called a “pastoral Pink Floyd”. That's fine. But what I love is the gentle nature of their music, combined with the fact that they are so utterly skilled their first album, with the exception of one song, was recorded pretty much live in the studio. It's such a masterly piece of music, combined with the singles thrown onto the reissue that I keep coming back for more every few nights. I implore you to check out Epic Garden Music. It is aptly named, I assure you.

Section 25

Oh, Section 25. Many years I have been your champions. Articles I have written exclaiming your greatness. Facts I have passed on to tempt Joy Divisionites have included “They were on the Factory label” and “Ian Curtis produced a couple of their songs!”. But, despite SXXV (I find the roman numerals cool, okay?) having a strong musical legacy, it is their continuation as a post-punk musical force that excites me, and should you, more. 2007 saw the release of Part-Primitiv, an album that so impressed me with its quality of sound, mix of electronic sounds and brash post-punk guitar and sheer biting lyrical onslaught (but they always did, didn't they?) that I felt compelled to addendum it to my original article extolling the virtues of these Blackpool based men. An e-mail from the new bassist Stuart Hill informed me of a June, 2009 album. Oh boy, does it deliver. A bona fide original post-punk outfit still producing music as good as if not better than in their heyday. What more could a young lad ask for?

Well that's it for now! It's 2009 so I don't expect any requests for mix tapes, MiniDiscs or even CD-Rs. Head over to iTunes for I am confident all three are represented. Check 'em out and enjoy!

Ringo Starr & Marc Bolan: Something I Dug Up This Morning

2009-08-22T09:06:00.001-07:00

Marc Bolan: Poet, Musician, Muse

2009-08-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

I was first introduced to the man who was Marc Bolan (of Tyrannosaurus Rex fame) by an old friend a year ago. At first I was skeptical! All I could think of was my mom cleaning the house back in the mid 1980s to Marc Bolan's "Get It On" followed by a Michael Bolten power ballad. A few hits from the Solid Gold soundtrack, a Rick Astley dance number and an instrumental from the Miami Vice soundtrack would ensue, leaving me no choice but to bolt out of the house as fast as possible and run for cover! I always attributed my mother's choice of music to mainstream junk that was an easy listen while scrubbing the toilet, although my iPod cleaning playlist jams out what I consider more eclectic tastes, such as Faust, Ween, David Bowie, Joy Division, and Icelandic musician Mugison. Then I thought about how some of my favorite bands are well known for their less than innovative compositions, such as The Cure's "Friday, I'm In Love" or even the Beatles "She Loves You Ya Ya". So I decided to Google Marc Bolan and search through the hidden files! What I found in my search was a sensitive young talent with so many years of artistic expression ahead of him, yet he was unable to reach his feats due to his untimely death at age 29 on September 16th, 1977.

There were so many facets to Marc Bolan. A poet with an acoustic guitar, an aspiring film producer, a trendy fashion muse, an artist about to evolve his musical talents into the experimental genre, a sweet young man who just wanted to be heard, an original talent in his time that inspired a plethora of musicians from glam rock, to folk music, to the punk scene and even a few "other" artists in between. Some, I believe, have even mirrored his image without even knowing he had once existed. This tiny man with a deep soul and a quirky smile that lit up a room had only begun his journey into rock 'n' roll history before it was abruptly over in seconds. I would have loved to see him dream well into my lifetime. Marc would have been 62 years old this September.

Some of my favorite Marc Bolan moments:

This one's for my mom!

Marc Bolan Links:

BornToBoogie

MarcBolan.net

The T.O.M.B.

Marc Bolan and Tyrannosaurus Rex are on iTunes

I like "Couth"

2009-08-16T09:37:00.000-07:00

I used to have a thing for "couth"...Did ye olde "couth" usher in the modern concept of "cool"?

If one had couth they were often regarded as being relevant, logical, gifted of wit, civil and generally deserving of respect. Much like it's equally estranged partner "virtue", couth is another fleeting attribute seldom seen in today's flock. Couth has been officially sanctioned as an essential characteristic of the upcoming "human 2.0" semi-movement. A proud sponsor of aspiring intronauts worldwide.

Selected Poems

2009-08-13T19:35:00.001-07:00

“Sexy is…”

Sexy is confidence
Sexy is intelligence
Sexy knows exactly what buttons to press
Sexy is in the eyes
Sexy is in the smile
Sexy moves slowly and always has a plan
Sexy oozes sexuality
Sexy is a whisper in someone’s ear
Sexy is a secret only you can hear
Sexy is…

(Untitled)

Rain
The bottom of my pants soaked
Seeping through my socks and into my shoes
Home
I wipe my nose
Peeling my socks from my feet
Ring
I rush to the phone
I hear a sales voice
Beep
No thanks!
I hang up
Meow!
Cat needs some water
Rubs up against my leg
Soft
I stroke her fur
Baby talk
Pants
Peeled from my legs
Shirt
Flung to the floor
Shower
Warm water falls on my head
Running down my back
Eyes

“Rainbow Songs”

Who plays me?
He plays me
Like a fiddle
Like a dusty, mosquito filled field of childhood baseball games

Orange is the colour he wears
Bright and piercing like a florescent light bulb reflecting off of a basement wall

Why do I allow this foul behavior to happen around me?
As if I continue to tolerate this piece of egotistical testosterone
It makes me want to puke

Green

Red is what I see this season
Deep and desirable like someone I once knew

Where must I go from here?
I am lost now
Lost on being lost

Blue, this is how I feel
Like jail house walls
It makes me want to scream

Grey, as a rainy day
A comfort I long for

When must I make my move?
Tomorrow is too soon
Why?

White doves flying before my eyes
Because I am not listening
Where black knights ponder in the moonlight

"Fame"

Tell me who I am
And who you want me to be
Tell me what it is you see

Hang on to my every word
Reap my soul

Talent is a waking dream
Fame is the nightmare it breeds

Sit next to my beauty
So you can be beautiful too
I am god in your eyes
Your affection is no surprise

I'll tell you who I am
And who I am to be
I'll tell you what it is I see
This admiration I subconsciously need

"Simply Imperfect"

Simply imperfect
You know what I mean
Don't move it
Don't jerk it
Let's keep it clean

Apples and oranges
It's all just the same
Simply imperfect
It's part of the game

The French hate the English
The fat hate the greed
Simply imperfect
Just like our dreams

A lesson in language
Revealing pride out of spite
Simply imperfect
All is fair in the fight

Simply imperfect
You know what I mean
Don't move it
Don't jerk it
Let's keep it clean

"Baby, Waiting In The Rain"

Baby in the rain
Waiting for a ride
Beads of water hit the pavement
Baby is all wet

“The Apple”

She asks him for an apple
He kindly hands her an apple from the basket
She smiles and thanks him for the apple
He sits beside her in silence
She bites into the apple

“Always in my mind”

There is a chill in the air
The icy wind breathes down the street
Into the space between you and I
You walk toward me
You wrap your arm around my shoulder
Holding me close to you
Greeting me with warm affection
You ask me how I’ve been
I ask you
Our words flow into sync
I think about you from time to time
Your long dark hair tangled in between my fingers
My face nestled in the curve of your neck
So that I can smell you
All the cigarettes and body odor
The scent of your laundry detergent
You wake my erotic thoughts
We speak to each other like angels
The sex must be like heaven

“Look Only Once”

Speak to me softly
And I will give you my soul
Touch me loudly
My body will follow
Watch me
As I watch you
My heart pulsates
Deep into my garden
I water it
Careful not to drown the flowers
Unlike me
Yet so far into you
I am a present in a birthday game
Every layer has a different texture and colour
You intoxicate me
And I want more

“The Cage”

Give me a reason to breath into your cold silence
Creating a frosty cloud of indifference
Understand this!
And I understand nothing at all
Yet I am familiar with your ramblings
He who speaks only of others speaks poorly of himself
He who speaks only of himself, speaks poorly of others
He who speaks of great thoughts and ideas, speaks for everyone

I Miss New York

2009-08-13T19:32:00.000-07:00

The most beautiful boys in the world
pose such sweet parade
but when you listen hard
and complete
they whisper back to you tears of confinement
their answers nothing but human
human in the lines of their sorrows
their grief
guilt?
so may I ask once my darling
we are not lost in your eyes
we are all lost in each other...

Desert Island Discs

2009-08-13T19:16:00.001-07:00

People often talk about the books they would save or take with them if they were stranded on this proverbial desert island. Despite the fact that books consume no power I still think it's a stupid thing to save or cling on to. Re-reading books is no good. The pleasure is reduced everytime. Just how much enjoyment could you get reading the same five books over and over? Not much I expect. That's why I would take music instead, and assume this island had a reliable power source (maybe Hydro Electric because they usually always have a cascading waterfall) and the plane that crashed had allowed me to check-in a semi-decent amplifier, CD player and pair of speakers. Anyway, to the point. The five albums I'd have with me, knowing they'd bear up under the closest scrutiny and still remain great albums, and most important of all, still be enjoyable (and comforting) to me on the thousandth playing (and in all cases, probably already have):

(In no particular order because even picking five is hard enough.)

1. Low by David Bowie (1977)

Low hasn't always been a great album. When it first appeared the critics weren't sure - since "the critics" love to follow popular trends. Only in later years did they rewrite their history (and reviews) and give it the good old "5 out of 5" it deserved. I always knew it must be great before I heard it. Just look at that sleeve: it's orange and forboding, and Bowie is looking to his left. It's called "Low" so he's obviously been feeling moody. Oh, and it's the first of his Eno Trilogy. It's not even a very long album but it's very special and in my extremely humble opinion, it is easily, by far and away, and without a shadow of a doubt, the best thing he ever produced. It doesn't matter if you don't own ANY other Bowie, because Low is the essence of Bowie and this album is a true album and does what an album should do, and already I can find myself listening to it over, and over, and over. So along it comes.

(Personally, I have the vinyl cover stuck to my wall for mental inspiration and enjoy the sound of the 24 bit CD remaster.)

2. Remain In Light by Talking Heads (1980)

Those of you in the know (out of my Facebook friends I actually think that numbers just two) will have spotted that Brian Eno has already helped to produce two of my choices. Well, so be it, because his sound is very special and suited to the mythical isolation associated with being stranded far from home, forever. Remain In Light is an easy choice, I admit. But it's my choice and not some magazine or journal's. I loved this album as soon as I heard the opening of the first song, and it was a crusty record shop guy that thrust the vinyl into my hand after, once again, that sleeve had piqued my interest. If you are partial to complex layers of sound, cutting edge techniques and all kinds of African rhythms blended with Byrne's isolationist themes and lots and lots of percussion, then you'll know what I mean. It's so damn clever; it's anything but simple. When I listen to it I am still struck by how amazing and perfectly balanced it sounds. How they throw so much sound in and get something so ordered and melodious out. Everything clanks and clicks and ticks and tocks. Drums here and there, chanting, lead guitar, electronic whirrings and buzzes - except it goes somewhere, from start to finish. I also can't think of a more fitting song than Listening Wind to being stuck somewhere and trying to contemplate what the hell is going on.

3. Disintegration by The Cure (1989)

I've already been through a period in my life when I listened to this every day for at least a month or two, so I know already it can be used over and over again when I'm very sad or very happy - I'm not sure which one I'd be if I was stranded on a desert album without ever having to see people again (Ha. Yes I do know.). The Cure have gone off in recent years, and even in their prime put out a lot of 'questionable' material. Pornography is awesome, but doesn't seem to be the complete picture in the way Disintegration is. Usefully, it also fills an entire CD, without filler, so I'd be entertained for 74 minute chunks of my limitless time. Disintegration never seems to get the recognition it deserves. It's so damned good that it defies explanation. It's both soft and hard, fast and slow, and unlike early Cure, it doesn't get bogged down in itself. If only they'd made this their swan song.

4. The Smiths (1984)

I have to have a Smiths album in here, because they are my favourite band of all time (yeah, above Joy Divison). So I would probably go insane a lot sooner without some Smiths on hand, and out of their four albums, this one has the highest proportion of my favourite songs. Also, none of their many compilations contain some of these favourite songs. Quite simply, I needed some Smiths, so this is the one. Choice picks personally: You've Got Everything Now about those people we always hated at school and Accept Yourself: how do I feel about my shoes?

5. Script Of The Bridge by The Chameleons (1983)

Quite a fantastic album, and being reminded about Middleton is a minor drawback. I was going to for Loveless, an oft-maligned piece of guitar noise that most people consider no better than Metal Machine Music, but then I realised that I just like this album more, and I couldn't be bothered explaining for the 17th time how the noise masks the subtle melodies. This is The Chameleons first, and best, album. A band, that if we base fame purely on talent, should have been way bigger than U2. This album could easily play like a Greatest Hits, such is the quality of every single song.

Apologies to: The Clash, Joy Division, My Bloody Valentine, The Beatles and Pink Floyd-- Wish You Were Here came very close.

The Beatles: My Response To The Absence Of Remasters

2009-08-13T18:59:00.000-07:00

Such is the strength of my Beatles fascination that as a 9 year old I laboriously recorded all my Dad's original UK pressings onto TDK cassettes, neatly scribing in black ink the song titles and storing them in a carry case. I never lost this obsession for cataloging and collecting music and posses a fairly large collection of official CDs, cassettes and vinyls, and even bigger collection of unofficial bootlegs and rare recordings across a few formats. As for the Beatles, like every other aficionado the world over, I was never satisfied with the 1987 digital remasters and as such never bought more than three of them. My Dad never bought them either, mostly because he was a tight git; as a result his vinyls are now more noise than signal. But I have to listen to the Beatles every so often (usually every week), so I turned to piracy, mostly from Oink! before it was shut down, and my format of choice: MiniDisc. Now that the official remasters (including mono versions!) are on the way, I thought I'd share my custom "Beatles Complete" as it begins its final chapter as my primary source of Beatles. So, this is my Beatles collection that has been serving me well since I completed it in 2007:

It covers 20 MiniDiscs. I commenced recording in October and was done by December. I divided it into four parts. The UK releases in mono and stereo, and the US releases in mono and stereo. Sources vary. Most are Dr. Ebbett's vinyls, the latest generations I could find. All the US Capitol album releases are from those official discs, whilst some other rips found their way in there, such as non-Ebbett vinyl masters. Also, the infamous short-lived Black Triangle Japanese Abbey Road release. This collection contains basically every studio song officially released. I went to a lot of effort to hunt down every variant of every single and have placed them in their correct context. It should be borne in mind that the US releases often featured different mixes, so even though, for example, Sgt. Pepper appears numerous times, each is a different version!

Disc #1: The Beatles UK Collection in MONO Part I
-Please Please Me
-With The Beatles
-Long Tall Sally EP
-A Hard Day's Night
-Beatles For Sale
+period singles

Disc #2: The Beatles UK Collection in MONO Part II
-Help!
-Rubber Soul
-Revolver
+Yellow Submarine Score
+period singles

Disc #3: The Beatles UK Collection in MONO Part III
-Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
-Magical Mystery Tour EP
+period singles & extras

Disc #4: The Beatles UK Collection in MONO Part IV
-The Beatles (aka The White Album)
+period singles

Disc #5: The Beatles Capitol Albums/US Collection in MONO Part I
-Meet The Beatles
-Second Album
-Something New
-Beatles '65
-The Early Beatles

Disc #6: The Beatles Capitol Albums/US Collection in MONO Part II
-Beatles IV
-Help! (soundtrack album)
-Rubber Soul
-Yesterday...And Today
-Revolver

Disc #7: The Beatles UK Collection in STEREO Part I
-Please Please Me
-With The Beatles
+period singles

Disc #8: The Beatles UK Collection in STEREO Part II
-A Hard Day's Night
-Beatles For Sale
+period singles

Disc #9: The Beatles UK Collection in STEREO Part III
-Help!
-Rubber Soul
+period singles

Disc #10: The Beatles UK Collection in STEREO Part IV
-Revolver
-Yellow Submarine Score
+period singles

Disc #11: The Beatles UK Collection in STEREO Part V
-Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
+period singles

Disc #12: The Beatles UK Collection in STEREO Part VI
-Magical Mystery Tour EP
-The Beatles (aka The White Album) Disc One
+period singles; extras

Disc #13: The Beatles UK Collection in STEREO Part VII
-The Beatles (aka The White Album) Disc Two
+period singles; rarities; extras

Disc #14: The Beatles UK Collection in STEREO Part VIII
-Abbey Road
+period singles
+extras

Disc #15: The Beatles UK Collection in STEREO Part IX
-Let It Be...Naked
-Let It Be

Disc #16: The Beatles Capitol Albums/US Collection in STEREO Part I
-Meet The Beatles
-The Beatles' Second Album
-Something New

Disc #17: The Beatles Capitol Albums/US Collection in STEREO Part II
-Beatles '65
-The Early Beatles
+rarities

Disc #18: The Beatles Capitol Albums/US Collection in STEREO Part III
-Beatles VI
-Help!

Disc #19: The Beatles Capitol Albums/US Collection in STEREO Part IV
-Rubber Soul
-Yesterday...And Today
+rarities

Disc #20: The Beatles Capitol Albums/US Collection in STEREO Part V
-Revolver
-Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band*
+singles

All recording was done real-time on a Sony MDS-JE520 deck, which is equipped with the penultimate version of Sony's ATRAC codec: 4.5. If the official remasters, with their noise reduction and limiting, should fail to please, I always this collection to fall back on. And since the MiniDisc format is virtually indestructible, it should outlive me.

*This is the UHQ (Ultra High Quality) version from a high resolution rip. To my ears this is the best-sounding Sgt. Pepper I have ever heard.

Everybody's on something (a new short umm poem (?)

2009-08-10T20:53:00.000-07:00

A is for Adam who can't get through his workday without 8 cups of coffee
-
B is for Brenda who shoots smack in front of her 10 month old baby
-
C is for Curtis doing steroids to boost his physical prowess and self-esteem
-
D is for Danielle on a mix of SSRI antidepressants due to social anxiety and anorexia.
-
E is for Everybody...because EVERYBODY IS ON SOMETHING.

How to eat burritos vol.1

2009-08-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

1.On an empty stomach
2.With cerveza
3.Lots o cheese and heat

The Seven Minute Cigarette

2009-06-09T10:39:00.000-07:00

She leans up against the cold brick wall next to the door of the local coffee shop on 4th Avenue. He stands next to her, his hands clenched up tightly inside the pockets of his winter coat. She turns her head in his direction. She watches him as he lights a cigarette from his crumpled up pack of Camels. He senses that she is studying his every move, yet he pays no mind. His habitual movements amuse her. He turns to look at her. She smiles as she looks directly into his eyes. He attempts to smile at her as his mouth forms a half-hearted smirk, exhaling a cloud of smoke. He turns his head towards the street and contemplates a cab ride home. She flirtatiously grabs the cigarette from his mouth and begins to smoke it as if he does not exist in that moment. He is startled, but he leans up against the cold brick wall peering over her without a word. She looks toward the street thinking of a conversation she had with her friend earlier that day in the coffee shop. She is concerned about her friend and thinks of how she may be able to help. She then thinks of the man next to her. She thinks about what it would be like to kiss him. She imagines his hard body pressed up against her; the scent of his skin, the feel of his hair, his juicy wet lips… She snaps out of it and checks her watch for time. She is late for work. She puts the cigarette back in his mouth and says, “Do you know that it takes seven minutes for a cigarette to burn down to the filter? I would assume it burns much faster when you are sucking on it.” He chuckles and says, “Hmm, I didn’t know that.” She smiles at him, nods her head and walks away…

Are We Agape?

2009-06-08T10:44:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking about the meaning of Agape and whether or not it does or can truly exist? I have at times throughout the course of this month, being aware of my love towards all living things around me, wondered if I am actually practicing this form of love known as Agape? Questioning particularly whether or not I bring this into my relationships with other people?

I know that in God's eyes we are all created equal. I know that my own belief system is that we are all human, we all come from the same biological and psychological place inherently. So why is it that when I meet certain people I am hesitant to allow them into my life for reasons such as feeling that we do not share the same views, lifestyle, or at times, interests? I'll often keep my distance from some individuals that do not respect my personal space. Even if he/she only seems to have the best intentions. I am aware of the fact that my body may be reacting to these relationships by using biological survival tactics, but then I ask, is this a learned fear? Are we born into this world loving unconditionally then conditioned to love only with conditions?

MissAngellCain

How to hang out with Randy vol.1

2009-06-05T09:42:00.000-07:00

Yes kiddies, I'm actually pig-headed enough to post something this self-absorbed and cantankerous! Lets see what we have:

1. DON'T PLAY COMPUTER DJ:
I have the internet too, no need to unload your last 3 weeks of surfing on me. Your better off leaving me a URL, that way i'll check it out if i'm in the mood aka I don't take in much when your screaming and pointing and constantly changing songs etc. every 15 seconds.

2.DON'T ELABORATE ON SOMEONE'S LIFE (Someone I don't know) Your cousin's girlfriends car doesn't mean shit to me nor does their kid's behaviour. Unless they're knocking on my front door, they don't exist.

***MORE TO COME!

The Poetics Of Shane

2009-06-04T10:32:00.000-07:00

The following short story was written 3 years ago...

I am awake. It’s about three o’clock in the morning, or so I am guessing. I haven’t bothered to look at the clock as I am distracted by a vision of you in my mind. I have a tingling feeling throughout my body, a feeling as if something momentous has just occurred, like a premonition of death or a message I am about to receive. Are you trying to send me a message? My initial thought was that you had just died. Thought maybe I’d read about it in the paper today. Sure enough, nothing in the news. I figured I was being a bit ridiculous. Did you fall to your knees and pray to god? The frequency of your spirit is flowing through my veins quite clearly.

I could have stayed with you forever, entranced in our erotic betrayal. The two of us, tightly pressed together, lying on my boyfriend’s weathered black couch. If I had moved even an inch I probably would have fallen off of it onto the floor. I felt cold. You were warm. Your finger tips gently caressing my shoulder. Without hesitation, I melted into you. I remember your hands, the way they moved across my skin, each motion seeming premeditated. I recall you sitting on my kitchen floor once, playing your guitar; deeply penetrating every chord. Stacking red plastic trays onto a garbage bin became your symphony of orchestration.

I had no idea you would end up in so much trouble. The last I had heard is that you skipped town on a bus and moved out west to hide from your debts. Sticking needles in your arms, I was told. A sense of dread came over me. I wondered where you had gone. I pictured you sitting on a street corner, dirty and cold, numbing your pain. We were all high back then. Getting a fix whenever and however possible. I know I was feeling pretty messed up! Judging by the pill bottles on your bedside table, you were feeling about the same. My family supported me and I got help. Naively, I assumed the same fate for all of us. For three years I witnessed the downfall and prevalence of everyone we knew and befriended. But my concern for you was greater than the rest. I saw something in you, an awareness of yourself no one else seemed to possess. An inner confidence trapped behind a wall of disappointment and shame.

I think you’re beautiful
I thought you were wise
You are talented, yet in disguise
Why Shane?
Why all the drugs?
Why all the pain?
It’s only life
It’s only a game

Running late for a flight, I left your room one morning, assuring you I would be back. I left you to face the repercussions of our infidelity alone. For a month I sat at my Grandmother’s hospital bedside, taking care of her. She was ill and developed Dementia, a disease that causes confusion leading those affected to lose touch with reality. I told her beautiful tales of the life I was to return to. All lies in reality, but truth to me. At night I would return to my Grandparents’ empty house, alone and craving my next high. I phoned my father and proceeded to tell him I was lonely and needed to return home, so I could get a fix. I was sick! I needed help! I wasn’t ready to admit it to myself or anyone else. I continued down my path of self-destruction for one more month. This time I was drowning. I drank myself into a stupor one night. I broke down in front of everyone at the bar. Realizing my humiliation I grabbed my things and left. I found myself standing at your window. I screamed for you. I was angry with you. I was angry with myself for wanting you. I even threw a couple of snowballs and possibly some rocks at the glass pane in a fit of rage. That was my “rock bottom”. I was about to fall even harder once I stopped abusing myself… I miss it sometimes, getting high. , except you spend all your time on the bottom looking up. I spent the next six months pulling myself together. My aunt offered me a room in her home. Slowly, I had begun to realize what I had been doing to myself and why I was doing it.

A year had past since I saw you last. I came out west to escape what I once was and start fresh. I started to dream about you then. I dreamed your picture was pinned to a lamppost, meshed together in a collage of flyers. As if it were placed there like a photo of a missing cat. I spent a month in Vancouver, but the city eventually chewed me up and spit me out. We must have walked the same streets? I thought perhaps I’d run into you. I would imagine all the possible scenarios; I would find you on the street and take you in my arms, help you get your life together. We would fall madly in love. Or I would find you working in a restaurant downtown. We would sit, chat and ultimately become good friends. I was living in a fantasy. I could have found you if I had tried a little harder, but I was still fighting my own demons. My wounds were too fresh. I moved back east again. I would move out west and return to the east once again throughout the following year. Standing on the streets of Vancouver, I would search every face in the crowd for you.

I loved the way you looked at me. I admired you. I admired all the things in you that I saw in myself. We hold the same spirit captive in our hearts. Self-punishment has a firm grip on us.

I lost you somewhere
Between now and then
I want you back
But I don’t know when
You moved me when I was naïve
You have left me now
Everyday I grieve
What is this memory I cannot forget?
I stare at the wall
My eyes are wet

Three years had gone by. The west was calling me once again. I was getting better with time. I had a clearer picture of what I wanted. I still found myself hitting walls, but now I had the tools to knock them down. Was I brave enough yet to expose what was on the other side of these walls? This was my test. I moved to Vancouver Island. Having family out here helped cure my lonely heart. I found myself a good job and a place to live in Tofino, a small tourist town on the west coast of the island… I started to dream of you again… religious dreams and daydreams. It was like I knew I was close to you. I could feel you…

In the spring, I took a trip to Victoria with a friend. She was a small town girl and hadn’t spent a lot of time in any city. Tofino, with a population of about twelve hundred residents in the winter months, was starting to close in on me. We were both looking forward to getting away for the weekend. We wandered up and down the streets, spending all the money we had saved. My friend’s eyes were as bright as a young child’s are when they try something new for the first time. She pointed at all the flyers on the streets, advertising up and coming bands, and promotions for bars and clubs. We were hungry and needed to find a place to eat. I wasn’t familiar with Victoria. It was new to me as well. We walked into the first place we spotted. Fast food was on the menu that day.

I see you on your knees
And I fear what I am about to say
My lips are empty
I let you touch me naked
Yet, I can’t even speak to you
I wander near you
What am I doing here?
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I just let it all go?
Tell me old friend
Why am I here today?

Not a word between us when I saw you on your knees, looking up at me. I was in shock, gradually moving into denial. You were different… so thin and frail. Your face pale and your eyes tired. The tight blonde curls peaking out of the back of your blue cap should have given it all away. You became a dream to me and now you had become my reality. I was afraid. Both of us hesitant to pinch ourselves in the midst of this chance encounter, the sheer terror of our own reflections.

If you only knew what I wanted to say
I wanted to speak to you in so many ways
Yet my conscience kept my heart at bay
Trapped inside
I didn’t know where to begin
I was afraid of how it was going to end
All the things I did not say
If I only knew what you wanted to say
I wanted you to speak to me in so many ways
All the things you did not say

Your voice was always so soft and fluid. Like you were whispering in my ear a secret only the two of us could hear. I always felt at ease with you. Your body, as if sculpted by Michelangelo himself. I remember lying in your bed, tracing with my fingers, every inch of you. I was up all night trying to hold on to that moment. I knew I was leaving you. I wonder if I had stayed, would you have held onto me? Would it have mattered?

I heard you had been arrested and put into jail a number of times. Assault and theft, I was told. Alone, behind bars with only the Lord to speak to, that was your story. Making sure everyone knew you loved God. As if it would excuse you from all of your sins, asking out loud for his forgiveness. He loved you like a father, but you were the adolescent that would not listen. Have you made amends? Does god watch you or does he rule you? Am I your angel? That would explain the pain.

Blue, your eyes pierced right through me
And I was second-guessing
The blackness in your face tells me where you’ve been
My thoughts of you are constant
Unending until I see myself in you
Broken, my heart still beats in the morning
I hear sirens
Do they make noise for you?
I feel regret and anxiety, my greatest downfalls
We share the same mirror.

Months went by. Once more, I found myself searching for you. I wanted to let you know I was there for you. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I returned to the fast food place, but you had disappeared. I had lost you. Or did you lose me? Running from what is real. I know what that’s like! Blurring the lines of truth and lies? Will you catch yourself before you fall into a lonely grave? Will it be another three years until I see you again? Maybe this was it. Fate had brought us together. Instead of listening, I turned the other way and walked out the door. Was I happy having you solely exist in my dreams, a safe haven from reality? Maybe I fear what I really want from you is non-existent. Something I simply made up to keep myself entertained? Or, are you my way of holding on to the past?

I remember sitting across from you one night, at a table in the bar we frequented. Staring intensely into my eyes, you had me exactly where you wanted me. “A woman read my tarot cards," you said. "She told me about you…”

Conclusion:

I ran into Shane again this past January. He called out my name three times until it finally dawned on me that the blonde man, that I was staring at, sitting cross legged on the sidewalk and calling out my name was in fact Shane. It had been three years since I saw him last!

How to hang out with Randy vol.2

2009-05-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

3. DON'T TALK SO FUCKING MUCH!: A conversation is supposed to go both ways. If you don't like your job then don't work it...same goes for the dumbass you married. What makes you think I need to know every trivial detail of your day? Think before you speak and make it worth it.

4. DON'T EXPECT A CIRCUS: I seldom play favourites...especially when I'm at home and/or sober. Whoever told you I was exciting and reckless is mistaken. I'm old, ornery and tend to sleep most of the day.

5.DON'T BRAG ABOUT DRUGS: I'm not impressed that you supposedly have the best shit only 15 phone calls away. This goes double for the "hip-hop" types.

*Peas and love sauce - R

The Park

2009-04-22T10:31:00.000-07:00

Written four years ago...

“Only if ever…”

I wanted to walk with you on the cold littered streets
I wanted to hold your hand and take you with me
I wanted to see pain through your eyes
I wanted to lie in the park with you and dream into the blue skies
I wanted to hold you close and never let go
I wanted to run my thumb across your brow
Wiping the sweat that pours from your skin
I wanted to make all the poison disappear from your conscience
I wanted you to smile, if only once
I wanted your soul to be forgiven
I wanted you to be free
I wanted you
I wanted to be brave
So I could have told you what I wanted...

Monday 4/20/09

I walked by you this afternoon on my way by the baseball field in the park. I was heading for the beach, to sit by the ocean and take in the sun. It was a beautiful today! Finally, a nice day where I had the chance to get away from the daily grind and enjoy the warm weather! I saw you there lying on the grass at the bottom of the bleachers, with your cart, your things... You laid there peacefully facing the sky. I second guessed myself, wondering if I should walk closer to you just to make sure it was you, but I was feeling a bit timid and figured if it was meant to be you'd be there when I got back...and you were.

"Shane! Shane!" I called out to you, waking you from your slumber. You turned on your side and looked up at me. I noticed your fly was open and I could see red long underwear peeking out from underneath. I smiled at the thought of why you may have been dressed, or rather undressed in that state?! I asked if I could sit with you for a little while. You said not a thing and continued to look at me. I walked over to you and you brushed some dirt of your tarp, clearing a spot for me to sit, then you rolled over onto your belly. I sat above where your head lay, in the dirt. Don't try to be the man, I thought stubbornly. A little dirt won't hurt me! You groaned and mumbled something, but I didn't quite catch it. I put my hand on your head and ran my fingers through your hair. I wanted to be much closer to you in that moment, but it was clear by your body language that you were a mess! I studied you. Your belly was loose and flabby, not like the tight abs you used to have when your were frequenting the gym so long ago.

"Do you want me to go?" I asked. There was a long pause. "I ate a bunch of weed, cooked with butter and salt!" You told me. "My stomach isn't feeling so well!" You groaned and shuffled yourself around on your tarp. I giggled. You weren't impressed! "This is the way I am out here!" You said in a stern voice! As if you needed to let me know that I was going to have to accept this or get lost! I know I caught you off guard, high and not so well, but I live two blocks from where you have decided to set up camp. It was time, I thought...

"Can I show you something?" I asked. "Yes!" You replied as you turned your head towards my back. I took off my cardigan and revealed my tattoo. You looked at it. I turned my head and watched you study it. You looked confused. "It's you!" I said with a smile. You looked at me with question marks in your eyes. "Pretty wild, huh?" I exclaimed as my way of lightening the load of an obviously intense situation. You just looked at me. Your forehead slightly wrinkled. You head tilted to the side. You rolled onto your back and proceeded to sit up with your back turned to me at that moment. You grunted and cleared your throat.

"I think I'm going to go dumpster diving." You informed me. Was that a hint? I thought. "Okay" I said. I stood up, grabbed my things and walked over to you. I put my hand on your head again and ran my fingers through your hair. "Take care, baby!" I mothered you a goodbye. "You too darlin'" You exhaled affectionately and turned to look at me as I walked down the grassy hill for home...

An hour later, my friend *John called and asked me out for dinner. I agreed to meet him on the other side of the park where he lived. I wondered if you would be there again and took the route through the park by the baseball field. There you were, wrapped in a blanket, lying on your side, asleep. I had your friend *Greg's number with me to give to you on one of my business cards. I'd been carrying it around in my wallet for weeks, just in case I ran into you and had the opportunity to pass it on. I reached over your shoulder and placed it next to your chest. You lifted your arm up and grabbed me! "Hey!" I said in a soft whisper. I put my hand on your head again. I guess this was my way of soothing you. "I am going for dinner with a friend." I said. You nodded your head as you looked up at me leaning over you. I looked back at you for a quick second, then stood up straight and began to walk away. I was nervous and full of emotion! "That card is for you from *Greg. He says hello!" I told you in a very unsettled voice. I was breaking down. I wanted to fall to my knees and cry right then and there, but I kept myself poised. You grabbed my card, rolled over as if in a tizzy and took in a deep breath as you looked up at me. "Okay!" you said in a clear, accepting voice...

You were there in the morning when I peered down the street into the park entrance on my way to work. I thought of going over to you, bringing you some food to eat for breakfast... Hmm? I thought. He has survived four years out here without me, he'll get through the morning and I pedaled on my way...

*pseud.

More From The Poetics Of Shane

2009-04-01T19:38:00.000-07:00

“Night Sounds”

It drives me crazy that I cannot have you. My startled twin has ripped you from my arms. You are trapped in my conscience once again. If I had you, would I even want you? Is it the chase that excites me? You are my obsession. You have been for years. I will breathe you in until the day I die; traces of your name on my breath as I gasp for air. How did such a lost soul become my muse? Like you deserve to sit in my light! You have done nothing for me, but suck my soul away, making me scream inside for another glimpse of you, just one more chance. I would put my hand out to you this time. Holding you close in my arms. Never letting you go. Kiss your lips so that you could taste my misery. Swapping our spit so that you could understand what it is to be me and I you. You give me purpose. Sometimes I walk in circles trying to channel your spirit. My tower is faulty. I haven’t felt you for months. You have walked away from me. You have left me behind in the cold. I am frozen now and confused. I don’t know where to go next. Like a ghost, you have disappeared, leaving behind tiny footsteps I cannot hear.

“Holy Water”

Why do you exist in my mind every waking moment of my day?
I go to bed with you in spirit
Do you know this?
Do you understand that your soul lives in me?
I love you, like I’ve loved no other
No man will ever affect me as you do
I will love you until I am one with the sand and soil
I will be watered by the rain and sprout a seed for you
I will grow from the ground and bloom into a beautiful flower
As bright and present as I wish you could have been in my living years

I walk past your old room on my way to town
The one with the long, crooked window at the side of the house
You would keep your blinds shut so no one could see inside
There you would hide from the light of the world

I would have despised the life you once lived
If I had known you then as I am now
I would have been displeased with your discord…
Now I find myself in full acceptance of you
If only in my thoughts
Would I be so virtuous in the presence of your physical reality?
I believe I would

Solely as I have chosen you
Your memory has chosen me

“Angel Wings”

I wanted you in my bed this morning
I wanted to roll over and put my arms around you
Inhaling your faded scent from the night before

Tears melted into my pillow
My sheets were cold and empty
Carrying years worth of lonely nights without you

Do we all die with our unspeakable thoughts?
I don’t want to die without ever speaking my thoughts to you

MESSIAH COMPLEX

2009-03-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

Messiah Complex - An individual or group of individuals whom claim to be all knowing, forcing their beliefs and opinions on others as if to prove that their beliefs are the only truth that exists.

Personality Traits and Interests:

A warrior type complex
Often mistaken for a "hippie"
Extreme militaristic beliefs and plans
Conspiracy theories - Free Masons, Reptiles, God-like humans,
Stereotypical anarchists
Often surround themselves with groups of insecure, easily influenced individuals
Hypocritical

Symptoms and Side Effects:

Anger
Resentment
Past traumas
Childhood oppression
Irritable behaviors when one is not in agreement with their prophecies
Manifested idealism
Fear of death
Fear of monetary wealth
Chronic pot smoker

MissAngellCain

The net is oh so scary

2009-02-07T09:45:00.000-08:00

Yes, to an extent the interweb frightens me. Don't bother asking why because I was gonna tell you anyway...and frankly Margaret, I don't give a flying fuck! (Now why would he throw that in?)

Somewhere out there a man is sitting in a homemade cubicle poring over nipple slip shots he took with a cellphone camera; but that's not why we're here today...

Technology, some say, is exceeding human comprehension. In other words, Technology is improving and redefining itself quicker than most folks can grasp. While the young and adept utilize the power of "Bluetooth", the aged and "toothless" still ponder the esoteric sorcery used to conjure a VCR and plug it in properly. So how long will it take before the ever-widening gap separating "those in the know" and "those without a clue" expands until a only handful of humans can operate the silicon and machinery meant to make life "easier"? Perhaps this is when the tech will begin operating us and not vice-versa. In the meantime, our current level of technology in terms of entertainment and communication is wonderful. My main concern however is that children are seemingly learning to prefer chatrooms and IM's over real physical contact. The net is also an all too convenient playground for those who are uncomfortable with themselves, especially in appearance. Instead of going out and say exercising, any and all initiative is put into maintaining a false persona and the illusion of online friendship. I suppose though one could argue that an illusion is better than nothing...

Success is the greatest weapon of all

2008-12-15T10:20:00.000-08:00

If there's one recurring lesson I've learned about living in Thunder Bay (Ontario, Canada) all these years it's that success is the greatest weapon of all! Many people here (so-called friends/enemies) absolutely loathe hearing that you've accomplished anything worthwhile....You see, T.Bay has never been full of what could be termed "overachievers" and the unspoken rule of thumb is to just submit to the shame and apathy spiral like everyone else, because any effort put forward here is "simply not worth it". Like crabs in a bucket (cool song btw) whenever you've clawed your way to the supposed "top", your fellow crabs make sure to pull ya back down lest you actually achieve something, thereby threatening their false sense of security. The entire cycle is of course pitiful, at least to anyone with a degree of talent and intelligence. Remember, When a fellow comrade succeeds at what there doing take the time to congratulate him/her...it sound's totally elementary but I feel it's worth mentioning. Thanks for your attention.
-R

sex! SEX! Juicy GOSSIP!

2008-11-22T10:16:00.000-08:00

Philosophy, if she ever dares to advance, must be relinquished to the layman. She must be prayed from the cold, dead grip of the scholastics and torn from the shrewd opportunists promising "salvation" and the "meaning of life" in bold letters across their tawdry self-help manuals. For she is a tool, a means...but not the means to an end. Philosophy is an acceptance of absurdity, for all enlightenment is at first glance absurd.

Humanity, if ever to resolve, must accept that it inhabits a vessel incapable of godhood and devoid of truth. To be one and never the other is it's just punishment. And yet it must aspire...for apathy is less than zero.

We all behave as if this life is real and the consequence of our actions truly exist. We assume we are not dreaming...further assuming that we can discern waking life from dream. Perhaps this is our greatest folly?

- Randy Young (Nov.2008)

In the name of experience

2008-11-02T09:53:00.000-08:00

In the name of experience, one ought to eventually risk it all.Trying to stabilize and control every aspect of life is futile.Therefore allowing chaos to do it's thing once in awhile is not only amusing but essential. I loathe people that don't occasionally take chances... stagnation is their just reward. Relentless repetition is a deadening scene. Sure, I lose sometimes but even the loss is rewarding. Unless you taste it you can never know...

Blood on the canvas - a poem

2008-10-12T09:48:00.000-07:00

Yet I lay nearly dead,
Incapable of being roused,
A fascimile of former self,
So little inhabits this shell.

...To whom do I owe this gift of not?

A sibling in sin to sink your teeth in,
Rendered flesh from weakened bones,
A smacking of the lips, A smattering of tombs.

...Do ghouls still ponder my curious symmetry?

The horizon is an orgy of green fire,
Where flames eat from calloused palms,
Yet I lay nearly dead,
Incapable of being roused.

- Randy Young / Sept.24/2008

What "Beta" are you?

2008-08-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

According to my spirituality, a "beta" is an unrefined and reckless human who's behaviour is comprised of erratic and harmful traits. Thus rendering them incapable of becoming "alpha"...Alpha being foremost and honoured amongst men.

Here is a VERY BRIEF and INCOMPLETE rundown of the 4 types of prominent beta behaviour:

1) THE EMPTY CAN: Loud, competitive, insecure, empty - The empty can is often found yelling over another persons voice, often book smart but lacking any real world experience, lover of trivial and irrelevant information.

2) THE SWINE: Greedy, flesh-obsessed, materialistic - The swine shuns spirituality and that which isn't percieved by the 5 senses, believes that those with the most toys win, completely oblivious to the needs and suffering of those around them.

3) THE BULLY: All brawn, violent - The bully believes might makes right, often found intimidating the intelligent and talking incessantly about weightlifting.

4) THE ONE-SIDED COIN: Overly self-confident, stubborn, know-it-all - The coin feels they don't need to take advice from anyone, due to the fact that they and they alone have found the righteous path of true prosperity. The coin is unwilling to try our even consider new things.

* Now, before you write back in a frenzy, armed to the teeth with witty insults, be mindful that all my writings of this sort come with a HUGE disclaimer. I don't think I'm perfect...not even close! ENJOY!

An explanation of sorts

2008-06-03T09:52:00.000-07:00

Before I go any further asking for outside help in refining my spirituality I suppose I should at the very least give a simplified account of what it is I actually believe. Labels, unfortunately, are often misleading and yet I've succumbed and dubbed my particular system of spirituality "Binaural Deism". Binaural as in binary, hence I don't believe anything exists without it's polar reciprocal or contrast. Deism as in deity etc. meaning I believe in a power or entity which surpasses mere humanity in all regards. As mentioned above this is a simplification and shouldn't be thought of as representing the whole of what I believe. In my opinion, spirituality should evolve with the individual practicing it, lest it become fraught with dogma meant to condition large groups of followers i.e. religion.

At best, my beliefs will reduce the number of people in this world that

1."USE EVERYTHING AND UNDERSTAND NOTHING".

and

2. "CHOOSE FLESH OVER ESSENCE".

So do I believe I'm smarter than everyone else? Of course not. Knowledge is powerless until it is utilized. In other words being smart is acting upon what you know... Not senselessly hoarding information! The only person that loses an argument is the person that comes away from it unenlightened.

Love - R

Blog it up fuzzball!

2008-01-16T10:22:00.000-08:00

I noticed that my little blog like notes attract attention for some reason. Even on MySpace these little ditties always drew a crowd. Either I'm a decent writer or people are diverted easily (probably the latter). I've always thought that EVERYONE (not just celebrities etc.) should write a biography. Why? Well not only is it a wondrous form of introspection that may actually prove therapeutic but...even the most seemingly simple life can be alluring and exciting when put to paper. If any of my *familiars were to write one, rest assured I would read it cover to cover and anticipate more. Myself, I'd like to write one just because I have such a shoddy memory and as they say: "those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it" and to put it lightly there are many things from my past wholly undeserving of repetition!

Another type of literary style I've been digging lately is the so-called "oral history". It makes the written word appear much more spontaneous and eclectic... kind of like an open conversation being tape recorded and edited later. Anyways, I'll no longer deny that I enjoy the response my blurbs garner. Furthermore, I enjoy the responses that actually critique and add to the topic, shedding light where I came up short. So please don't hesitate to jump on in, lest I talk to myself more than I already do!

As always...thanks for reading. -R

*Randy's word for friends....kind of.

29th @ THE OFFICE explained

2007-12-31T10:23:00.000-08:00

The show on the 29th at the Office was killer in a lot of respects and I can't recall seeing that many familiars under one roof in ages, HOWEVER........In true TBay (Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada) fashion there were a few rotten incidents that put many on edge and confused others. I'm gonna break it down as to not reveal any identity but my own:

So myself (R) and a friend (N) are having a good time like everyone else until an old "business associate" (J) shows up and starts making threats and talking trash about some money (N) and myself supposedly owe him. I dole out $45 bucks just to shut him up since this is a really crappy night for this but (N) doesn't intend on giving (J) anything. As expected N and J begin arguing and provoking one another more and more until (J) finally takes off and for awhile everything seems and is apparently fine. Some time later I see a throng of bodies running for the entrance, including another friend of mine (P) who is particularly large and strong...I figure something must be up. Finally, things disperse and I ask (P) what's going on. (P) tells me that somebody bottled (N) outside and that there is some talk of a knife attack going down. So I take a step back, shake my head in disbelief and hope to hell (N) is okay and that this doesn't go any further... I'm also quite drunk at this point. I decide to go to the can and ingest some illicit substance and sharpen the senses. The drummer from one of the bands (H) asks if he can get in too... I have very little but I like the kid so I agree. So (H) and I are all ready to imbibe when who walks in but 2 COPS and a BOUNCER! Amazingly the cops are clueless but the bouncer is standing there laughing saying shit like "you boys picked the worst night possible to do a line". Somehow, with all 3 looking at us I manage to choke down the package and even the bit on top of the toilet. So the cops and the bouncer hurry us outta there and ask if we just saw a big guy in there to which me and (H) truthfully answer "no". So, being kicked out and all I grab my bag at a nearby table, say a few goodbyes and proceed to walk towards the entrance/exit with my middle finger high in the air. 3 steps later I feel somebody or something heavy descend upon me. I'm thinking it's a friend trying to pull me back in the bar, but it ain't...it's another goddamn bouncer! This gorilla starts dragging me like a puppet across the floor and tries to use my skull to open 2 sets of doors on the way out. Outside, my nose is bleeding and I'm woozy from the drink, being sick and somewhat beat up. Three friends come to my aid and one ends up giving me a lift home. I was to find out the "big guy" they were looking for in the can was my friend (N) from the beginning of the tale! I still don't entirely get it and I need others to eventually fill in the pieces for me but that's how I remember things going down. Thunder Bay is soooooo dirty!

OH, what a night!

2007-02-11T10:01:00.000-08:00

Ok, a wee update on my, erm... progress:

I'm presently sitting in a net cafe' in Ottawa blasted outta my mind on 3 tabs of wonderful mdma. For 10$ you can rent a chair 10 pm-9am, sleep in it or just fuck around on a killer pc...either way, it's even cheaper than a hostel! Of course there's always a shit tons of Japanese kids hangin' out selling everything you can imagine and playing free Korean mmorpg's (roleplaying video game).

My love for this city grows everyday, even when I'm dead broke I still smile and discover things! It would appear that by losing everything, I've actually gained everything...how perfectly zen! The illusion of free will can be beautiful, I will grant it that. I do wish however that some friends from back home would travel down here and hang out for a bit and realize that the capital is actually pretty cool. Peace to all familiars who understand the nature of a good journey. Death to all familiars who secretly aim to hinder my existence and push their delusions upon my brittle brain!

WHY I AM

2000-07-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's easier to drop your shit over the net... I mean, if people really wanna hear your shit they'll take time out and get cozy with a laptop and read it right? That is, without interruptions and the influence of someone else's shortsighted opinion. I figure if someone is willing to take 5 minutes out of their precious life to listen to your new song or read your blog then they are technically inviting you to be their stimulus, and/or temporary fixation in our jolly time & space continuum. Evidently, the human mind receives an overwhelming bundle of conflicting information on a routine basis... Through binaural and deistic philosophies we can know the nature of these conflicts and redistribute the power to bind them. Man must learn to filter out the negative mental fog and see that co-existence, like cause and effect must exist and possess a genuine balance. All things unbalanced and seemingly chaotic dwell in the habitual excess of the flesh.

Know this: The sun does not quarrel with the moon, the sun makes way for the moon! We are ourselves, we are our contrasts, we are a determinable sum.